Welcome to the first post in the Interview series on Your Alpha Dude. Where I, Your Alpha Dude will be interviewing some of the top acclaimed dating coaches and discovering their secrets for you to take benefit from.
This is the interview of Dan Bacon where I will be discovering the exclusive dating secrets of The Modern Man.
Dan Bacon is one of the top Dating and relationship expert worldwide, He is also known as The Modern Man. He has helped a large number of people to develop their dating skills and strengthening their relationship. Over 1000s of guys’ lives has changed thanks to his dating and relationship advice, and hopefully now it will change yours as well.
He’s going to answer all the top queries which dudes are asking these days to get laid or to get a girlfriend. I have compiled some of the most famous questions like How to get ex back or how to attract a girl to ask Dan.
So, without any further ado let’s jump into the real question and his awesome answers.
Hi Dan, first of all thank you for joining us here on Your Alpha Dude. We are really happy to have you here. We know that you have a very busy schedule yet you finding the time for this means a lot. Now, let’s begin –
Ariel : What’s the main thing dudes need to have in order to attract any girl?
Dan Bacon : The main thing that a guy needs to have to attract most of the women he meets is confidence, because pretty much all women find confidence sexy and attractive.
It’s not possible for a guy to pick up any girl in the world.
Instead, what is possible is that a confident guy can attract and hook up with most of the women he meets (including beautiful women), if he has the skills to pull off the pick-up.
Without knowing how to successfully pull off a pick-up, a guy’s confidence usually won’t be enough to get him the result he wants with a woman.
For example: A guy might be confident, but he may be unsure how to keep a conversation going and keep it interesting when talking to an attractive woman.
As a result, he will struggle to build on her attraction, connect with her and take things to the next level (i.e. phone number, kiss, date, sex).
Women may feel some initial attraction to his confidence, but the pick-up will usually fall apart and he will walk away with nothing because the conversation will dry up and it will feel as though they don’t have a good connection.
So, if a guy wants to be able to attract most of the girls he meets, he needs to have confidence and also know what to say and do to successfully pull off a pick-up.
When a guy has those two things, he can then enjoy his choice of women.
Ariel : I have often seen you with hot girls in your YouTube videos or even on your website. Could you give your opinion on dating 9s and 10s. What’s the simplest way to get them?
Dan Bacon : Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
In other words, what one guy sees as a 9 or a 10, another guy might see as a 7 or 8. Additionally, not all 9s and 10s sincerely believe that they are 9s or 10s, especially without their make up on. Most have insecurities about their appearance and rate themselves as a 7 or an 8, at best.
As a result, many 9s and 10s will happily hook up and get into a relationship with a guy who others see as a 7 or much less, as long as he can attract her in other ways as he talks to her (e.g. by being confident, using ballsy humor, being a challenge for her to acquire, flirting with her to create sexual tension).
Based on how much attraction she feels for the average or even below average looking guy as she talks to him, she will see him as being just as attractive and valuable as her, or even more attractive and valuable than her in some cases. It really depends on how the guy approaches the pick-up.
For example: If an average looking guy knows how to make a woman feel as though she’d be lucky to get a chance with him, many of the 9s and 10s he meets will feel that way about him and he will then be able to pick them up.
However, if a 9 or a 10 senses that a guy feels unworthy of a woman like her, she will close up and in some cases, reject him to end the interaction.
What’s really interesting though, is that the same guy who caused a 9 or a 10 to lose interest and possibly even reject him, could have attracted her and hooked up with her by using a different approach. The same guy, same appearance and same position in life, but he used a different approach on her. That’s really how it works.
The approach that you use with women will determine how they feel about you and how much they want something to happen.
You can literally make hot women really want to be with you. It’s an enjoyable, rewarding, amazing skill to have as a man.
You end up hooking up with women that you used to see as being way out of your league. Gradually, you begin to realize that they were in your league all along, but you were using an approach that caused them to close up and lose interest.
Ariel : These days most of the girls have become playettes and they are playing with the emotions of the guys by friend-zoning them. Or using the guys for their hidden motives. So, according to you what’s the best way to avoid the friend-zone?
Dan Bacon : Simple.
Don’t try to get to know a woman in the hope that you might get a chance with her one day. Don’t hide behind text message conversations and hope that you will grow on a woman over time. Both of those approaches can work at times, but in most cases they backfire and the guy ends up in the friend zone for weeks, months or years, or the woman sleeps with another guy and gets right into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him instead.
So, in today’s world, if you want to avoid the friend zone, it’s always best to get to kissing and sex on the first night that you meet a woman, or on the first or second date.
Most women never admit that they would have sex right away or on the first or second date, but statistically speaking most couples have sex on their first date and most women have had a one night stand.
The dating scene is much more fast paced than it used to be, so if a man doesn’t want to end up in the friend zone, he shouldn’t act like a friend or a guy who wants to get to know a woman for a long time before maybe, possibly kissing her.
He should know that almost all women do have sex very quickly and in many cases, the sex then leads right into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
So, in today’s dating scene, it’s essential to get to kissing and sex as soon as possible, otherwise you get placed in the friend zone or left behind when the woman sleeps with another guy right away and then becomes his girlfriend. The reality is that once you’ve kissed a woman, the dynamic between you and her changes from being friendly and flirty, to sexual and physically intimate.
In most cases, you and her then have sex that day or night, on the first date or on the second date. Once you’ve had sex, she then naturally opens up to the idea of having a relationship with you.
At that point though, the key with playettes is to avoid being the one who is pushing for a committed relationship. Let her be the one who wants you to commit to her. Simply continue to date her, have sex with her and make her feel attracted and interested, but don’t push for commitment.
Her attraction and desire to lock you into a relationship will build up and in most cases, she will eventually tell you that she loves you, only wants to be with you and wants you to commit to her. Then, when you are ready, you can let her have a relationship with you.
As a result of using that approach, the playette gets played by the player and she loves it. Of course, not all women are playettes.
Many women only want a relationship and aren’t interested in casual sex. Yet, those women also want to be able to experience the feeling of really wanting to get a guy to commit to them.
Women love it when it works that way, regardless of whether they are good girls or bad girls. They want to feel excited about potentially getting to be your girlfriend and being lucky enough to keep you.
Ariel : Wow!! That’s some deep knowledge we just got. Now, we have often seen guys do the shittiest things after breakup, like crying in the corner, being too needy to get their exes back in their life, or even some dudes start doing drugs – I can’t believe this.
So my question is what’s the best way to get exes crawling back to them? How to rekindle the old flame of attraction?
Dan Bacon : If a guy wants to attract an ex woman that has left him and is no longer interested in a relationship, he has to level up his ability to make her feel attracted to him as he interacts with her.
Trying to attract her by being the same old version of himself rarely works. What works is when a guy levels up and makes his ex woman feel attracted to him in ways that she has never experienced with him before.
For example: If he was only kind of confident in their relationship, he then levels up and becomes very confident and self-assured when he interacts with her from now on. Of course, being very confident and self-assured isn’t about being loud or acting macho.
Instead, it’s about a guy being relaxed and completely sure of his confidence, so she can see that he never, ever doubts himself around her anymore. In many cases that I have worked on over the years with a client, the woman has then said something like, “Wow, you’ve changed. I like it. Why weren’t you like this before?” She feels the kind of attraction that she always wanted to feel to him and as a result, she opens back up to giving the relationship another chance.
Another example is where a guy was too nice to his ex girlfriend or wife.
As a result, she ended up taking him for granted and struggled to feel attracted to him because he was just too easy to please. In cases like that, a guy needs to develop his edge by being more ballsy in the way he thinks, talks, behaves and takes action in life and around her.
He also needs to understand that while women do love and appreciate a good man, they also want to feel attracted to the ballsy side of a man as well (i.e. ballsy humor, courage to be his real self rather than putting on an act of being nicer than he actually is or wants to be, touching her in a masculine way rather than being soft or gentle all the time, being able to say no to her and make her enjoy not getting her way all the time, making her feel safe around him because he is able to remain confident under pressure).
When a woman feels attracted to her ex man in new and exciting ways, she then starts to feel like she is losing something valuable. If she doesn’t give him another chance, another woman is easily going to feel attracted to him and he then may move on without her. If he moves on without her, she may be the one who ends up feeling rejected and left behind. As a result, she feels compelled to give her ex another chance.
“A woman being too easy and open about having sex with other guys just isn’t good for establishing trust and building a relationship that lasts.” ― Dan Bacon
Ariel : As your primary forte is relationships, so what do guys need to do to keep their relationship secure so that girls never cheat on them or leave them for another man?
Dan Bacon : Make her feel like she’s got something to lose. So many men find themselves in a situation where they are secretly worried that their girlfriend or wife will eventually get bored of them and leave.
This can cause a man to feel insecure around her, give her too much power in the relationship and essentially do whatever she wants to hopefully keep her happy, which causes her to lose respect and attraction for his lack of confidence and masculinity in the relationship. Eventually, his greatest fear comes true and she does lose interest and leave him.
To prevent that from happening in a relationship, a man needs to make the woman be the one who is worried about him potentially losing interest and leaving her one day. When she feels like she has something to lose, it causes her to be on her best behavior and continually put in effort to treat her man well, impress him and maintain his attraction.
As a result, both the man and the woman enjoy a happier, more loving, more passionate relationship. That’s the kind of relationship dynamic that women really want.
Yet, it’s not what women will usually admit openly if they are asked. Instead, most women will say that if a man wants to keep them, he has to put in loads of effort into the relationship, buy them lots of things, do the housework, give them foot rubs, present her with fresh flowers every week, make her breakfast in bed on weekends and so on. Yet, if you pay attention, you will see that the women who are the happiest in a relationship with a man are the ones who feel the need to be good to him, treat him well and maintain his attraction.
The woman doesn’t want him to lose interest in her and potentially leave her one day, so she feels motivated to keep him happy.
The man is still good man and he treats her well, but she goes out of her way to be good to him and treat him well to ensure that he is happy. When a woman finds herself in a relationship like that, she literally builds her entire life around being with the man, making him happy, being good to him and so on. On the other hand, the women who are miserable in relationships are usually those who are with a man who is doing whatever he can to hopefully be good enough to stay with.
In relationships like that, the man gets taken for granted and is often cheated on and then dumped, or dumped and left behind as she moves on with a guy who is interested in her. That’s not because women are evil and treat men badly.
Some women are evil, of course, just like some men are.
However, the vast majority of women are good women and will be loyal, loving, affectionate and attentive if a man creates and maintains a relationship dynamic that naturally produces that kind of behavior from her.
It’s very easy to do.
I’ve been doing it for the last 6 and half years in my relationship and it’s the easiest, most effortless part of my life. Even though my girl is a hot, young, feisty women, she knows that she would die with pain if I ever left her, so she feels compelled to be a good girl and treat me well.
I treat her well also, but she’s a good girl to me and she loves it.
Ariel : The Flow is one of your most highly acclaimed books in the dating world. Can you please tell us – What are some of its core strategies that my readers could benefit from?
Dan Bacon : The core strategy in The Flow is to interact with a woman in such a way that she wants the pick-up to happen. She wants you to touch her, kiss her and have sex with her and in many cases, she invites it and even initiates it.
As long as a guy follows the simple steps of The Flow, women want to get to kissing and sex and as a result, the guy enjoy easy, consistent success with women.
One of the ways to make women feel that way is to focus on sexual attraction first, rather than trying to get to know the woman first. So many guys end up in the friend zone by having a nice, friendly, straightforward conversation with a woman that ends up feeling boring for both of them.
To avoid the friend zone and get to kissing, sex and a relationship (if you want that too), it’s essential that you start with sexual attraction first. Make her feel sexually attracted to you and then start to connect with her. In The Flow, I explain exactly what to say and do to make that happen.
It’s ridiculously easy to do.
Once you do it a few times, you will realize that most women are very easy to attract and pick up.
Ariel : Cool… I have given that book a try myself and recommend it to my readers as well. It shares some of the cutting-edge knowledge present nowhere else in the dating world right now. And now the final question, since you’re known as “The Modern Man”, What does it mean to be the modern man in dating industry? And how to be one?
Dan Bacon : In terms of dating, the overall premise of my company, The Modern Man, is to allow men to enjoy their choice of women, rather than accepting whatever they can get. When it comes to getting a girlfriend, it’s about a guy being in the position where women are trying to get him to commit to a relationship.
When it comes to being in a relationship, it’s about making a woman be a good girl and treat you well for life. To boil all that down into one specific thing, it’s about a man having control over his dating and relationship life with women.
I not only teach men how to do that, but I live it. Personally speaking, I enjoyed my choice of women for over 10 years, before settling down with my perfect girl.
At times during those 10 years, I often had 4-5 girlfriends at once, who were each coming around to my house on rotation for sex and to hopefully get me to want more. Many of the women I dated and had sex with tried to get me to commit to having a family with them, or at least to getting engaged and then maybe getting married one day, but I wasn’t interested.
I sometimes got into a relationship for a year, but I never wanted to go any further than that. I just wanted to continue enjoying new women all the time. Eventually, I had enough of sleeping with new women all the time and decided to open myself up to committing to one girl.
Then, I met my perfect girl when she was 20 and I was 35, we got into a relationship and have been together ever since. For the first two years of our relationship, she was completely accepting of my unwillingness to ever marry or have children.
She just wanted to be with me and was willing to put up with whatever I wanted. Yet, some time after the two year point, I began to open up to the idea of having a family and possibly even getting married. It wasn’t because she was pressuring me or anything like that.
Instead, I just started to want more than just a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
I saw the value of having a happy, loving, close family with my perfect girl and thought, “Why not?” Of course, she was over the moon with happiness and excited that I decided to commit to her in that way.
Fast forward 4 and half years later and her and I are happily married with twin girls. Even though it was amazing at the start, our relationship literally gets better and better all the time. ( Read the article about the proposal here, maybe you may also change your thoughts on marriage ?
Now, one thing I want to point out here is that every man out there doesn’t have to go through the same series of steps that I did and then eventually settle down with a girl.
If a man wants to find one girl and settle down with her right now, then he can do that. Likewise, if a man wants to enjoy his choice of women for life, then he can do that too.
However, if a man wants a hot, sexy 8/10, 9/10 or 10/10 girl to desperately want him to commit to her, then he should create a relationship dynamic where she is chasing the commitment, not him. Unfortunately, a lot of men out there try very hard to hopefully get a woman to commit to them and she ends up asking for more and more from him (i.e. treat her better than he already is, buy her this or that, do the housework, put up with her bad behavior, accept her lack of affection towards him, etc).
If he allows that type of relationship dynamic to develop, she will naturally lose respect for him, stop feeling attracted to him and eventually fall out of love with him. Additionally, he will be in a relationship where, no matter what he does for her, it’s never enough. She never looks at him the way he wants her to. She never feels compelled or motivated to treat him well, be affectionate and attentive and as a result, he feels miserable and unloved in the relationship.
That’s no way to live life as a man, especially in today’s world with the dating and relationship scene the way it is.
In today’s world, both men and women can choose to remain single, date many people and get in and out of relationship as they please. It’s no longer taboo to break up with someone, even after many years.
So, if you want a woman to desperately want you to commit to her and then treat you well and try to impress you for life, then you really have to know how to achieve that.
It’s not like it used to be. The game has changed.
Even if a guy accepts a woman who he isn’t very attracted to, she can end up leaving him if he creates a relationship dynamic that causes her to expect too much of him and take him for granted. This is why it’s best to know what you’re doing so you can get what you really want with women, rather than having to settle for whatever you can get and then hoping that your woman doesn’t get bored and leave you one day. It still is possible to keep a relationship together for life, but increasingly, achieving that really does require a man to know what he is doing when it comes to attraction and relationships.
If a man just tries to luck his way through relationships with women, he will usually end up going through breaks up or divorces. That’s not a fun experience for a man in today’s world.
Yet, when a man takes control over this area of his life by understanding how to attract women by choice and then get those women to try to hopefully get him to commit, women become easy and dating and relationships are practically effortless for him.
The irony is that women actually prefer it when the man is in the position of power in a relationship. Most women want to be doting on a man and being loving, attentive and affectionate towards him for life.
It’s a dream life for a woman to be that in love and to be a good girl to her man like that. Yet, to bring that side of a woman out and keep it alive for life, it’s best that you know what you’re doing when it comes to attraction and relationships.
Once you master the skill, you gain control and can then relax and enjoy your life with many women, or one special woman.
If you’d like to learn more about Dan Bacon and his high value dating and relationship tips for men, I warmly recommend that you check out his site at TheModernMan.com