This article does not focus on theories, mental masturbation, on “How to Approach Girls”. This article goes straight to the point from how to approach girls and dealing with all the stuffs that comes up in the process.
Mission: Get a first date. [ further, relationship ]
Target: Beautiful girl few feet away. “Go get em’ Dude!”
Skills Needed: Got to know how to approach a girl
Approaching girls positively, confidently and correctly is all about your personal development, your beliefs and your values. Your results or a lack of it when it comes to success with girls is directly proportional to your personal development, your beliefs and your values.
If you have taken the time to develop yourself, have positive beliefs about yourself and have high values then you are an unstoppable constantly working magnet for girls.
This is the core to everything. All this is going to require a serious personal commitment from your side. it’s not going to get handled in a day.
But don’t worry, keep reading and you will become the master at approaching girls and increase your chances of dating the girl you choose making her girlfriend and escalating the things further. So, let’s dive into the real and legit content which web lacks on this very important topic…..
Dealing With Approach Anxiety
Approach anxiety’ is the anxiety that guys feel about approaching girls, and it’s probably the single biggest reason why most guys can’t meet the girls that they want, and don’t have the dating skills or confidence that they’d like. I believe that it’s also one of the main reasons why some guys settle in relationships that they perhaps don’t really want to be in. Why would you leave someone if you’re incapable of meeting anyone else?
Approach anxiety is actually a completely natural thing, so it’s very important to not feel bad or beat yourself up for feeling it. If you feel nervous about going to talk to a stranger – congratulations, you’re completely normal. I’d actually be more concerned if you didn’t feel any anxiety, because to me this would indicate that you’re probably out of touch with your emotions, or suppressing them.
The biggest reason for approach anxiety is a guy’s insecurities about himself. They have this deep rooted fear inside them about themselves. And because of their incapability to approach girls talk to them and attract them, they become stressed and beat themselves over and over about this issue.
Approaching a beautiful girl has never been easier to most of the guys in general. When you are about to make a move but something goes terribly wrong. You completely freeze up. Paralyzed. Just the thought of talking to her makes your heart start to pound out of your chest. Your throat squeezes like a vice. You get a sick feeling in your stomach. Then a burning sensation rising up from your gut and you start sweating bullets.
Right away you get in your head and start making excuses about why you can’t approach her:
- She probably has a boyfriend
- What do I say?
- If I get rejected I’ll look like a total loser, everyone will see it
and the list of excuses goes on and on…
So, read my FULL in-depth article on Approach Anxiety here. All the things you’re going to learn in this article is valuable as years of experience. So, don’t miss it.
Dealing With Common Excuses
So let’s tackle some common excuses for not approaching. Now, it’s very important to note here, that you don’t have to approach every girl. Often when guys start out in this, they work themselves up over any attractive girl that walks past. Just relax. There’s no rush. You don’t have to approach every girl and you don’t have to take every opportunity.
In fact, you won’t even go after most of the girls that you see. That’s called being normal. You’ll notice them, admire them, maybe think about approaching them, but then you’ll just get on with your day. But when you do go out to specifically practice this, then your mind will find ANY reason to not approach – even reasons that don’t make sense. Your mind will justify your fear with any reason that it can find.
Some of the excuses are:-
I’ll do the next one
This is just not for me
She’ll reject me
She’ll think I’m weird
I’m just not feeling it
She is too far away now
I feel like I’m stalking her
She has seen me
She knows what I’m doing
I’ve left it too late now
Now, the solution to all those excuses.
The more comfortable that you are with being interested in girl, the more comfortable girl will be around you. I see distinct differences in the success achieved by guys who never want anyone to know that they’re out meeting girls and the guys who don’t mind people knowing what they’re doing. The latter guys always go better because they aren’t ashamed of it.
probably knows that you’re interested anyway. Any reasonably socially savvy girl knows that a guy talking to her equals a guy interested in her. So the sooner that you do something about it, generally the better. One way that you certainly will creep a girl out, is by repeatedly looking at her, being near her, orbiting around her, and not actually saying or doing anything. I already told you to TAKE ACTIONS and you will always grow, it won’t harm you.
And even if she does think you’re weird – So? What’s so special about being normal? Why do you want to be normal? Who even dictates what is normal? Normal by its very definition is average. So fuck normal. Some girl will find you weird. But some of the coolest people in history were also considered pretty weird. The best guys with women all have a few good stories of weirding women out.
Again, when you approach normally, naturally, friendly, most girl will appreciate the approach, even if they aren’t interested. But you are always going to run into a couple who will consider you weird. That’s fine. If you feel good about yourself, and you know that you approached with decent intentions, then you’ll survive, and thrive with good practice of approaching girl out.
First impressions are pretty important to everything. To nail that introduction like a pro you’ll have to be confident, cool, and like someone any girl would be lucky to know. This is how to introduce yourself to a girl. That’s really the goal when introducing yourself to a girl. You want her to leave and then think about you when she’s lying in bed at night. If you master that, you’ll be able to have any girl.
Girls are particularly tricky because they are so picky. They know very quickly if they are interested. If you come off in a weird way when you introduce yourself, then it’s pretty much game over for you. And they won’t be trying to contact you anytime soon.
A girl wants to be approached spontaneously by the guy who just had to come and talk to her, not by the weird pick-up guy who has already approached twenty women that day. Be honest with her. Walk up to her and say something like, “I know this might be weird, but I heard you talking from over there and thought it was really interesting… My name is _______.”
This is a good technique because it lets her see that you’re an honest person and you happen to find her interesting or whatever she was talking about sounded interesting to you. It may be the riskier of the options, but it may have the biggest payout.
Sometime, it takes a girl a little while before she realizes that she does want to talk with you more. If you introduce yourself in one of the ways above and find she seems uninterested, just walk away and be patient.
What To Say After You Approach?
Pay Attention To Her Receptivity. The first thing that you need to do after you approach, is to just be aware of her receptivity. Has she stopped to talk to you? Is she facing you or is she pulling away? Is she unresponsive, or is she warm and open? How is her overall vibe towards you?
These early signs of receptivity are your biggest indicators of where the interaction is going to go, so you should be paying much more attention to that than what you’re actually saying.
If those green lights are there at the start, then it matters very little what you say. If she’s all red lights (i.e. she’s closed off), then it also matters very little what you say. So chill out and try to stay calm. This will help you pay attention to if she’s actually wanting to talk to you or not. It’ll only take a couple of seconds to pick it up, and it’ll tell you almost everything that you need to know. Read her face, read her body, read her vibe – what’s it telling you? How open she is? How’re you feeling in her presence?
Keep It Simple
You want to keep your conversation simple. Again, she’s responding to you more than what you are saying. If she’s wanting to meet a guy, and you fit her bill, then she’ll very likely be open for a chat with you. You don’t need to complicate it.
In fact, trying to be technical will likely work against you. Cause if you’re not saying what’s naturally popping into your mind, and instead you’re trying to be interesting, or funny, or cocky, or whatever you are not then your mind will very likely go blank and you’ll ‘run out of things to say’. You can just ask what she’s shopping for today or her name.
Most of the guys try so hard to make their conversation amazing that they either freeze up and say nothing, or they say something way out there, trying to be “different”, that confuses the girl (or tells her right away that he’s trying way too hard).
Technical game is mostly weird and annoying, and it’s most often too hard for her to work with. Girls doesn’t want to be analysed on the street or in the store, or she likely doesn’t want you teasing her outfit in the library, actually she just wants you to ask how her day is going and be NORMAL. She wants natural and flowing conversation, and something that’s easy to reply to.
A girl wants to hear something that a normal and self-assured guy would say, not some try-hard pick-up artist’s routines. I often see guys walking away from a good interaction thinking that their technique or pick-up line worked, when the reality is that the girl was open and friendly, and she liked the guy. Had he just said “Hello” and made some simple chit-chat, it would have been the same positive outcome.
By the way, I’m currently running a 3-part FREE video series. Where you’re going to get lots of value and lessons on how to approach girls the best way to get a girlfriend in the next 24 hours or less.
From building an emotional connection with women to never running out of things to say. What to say while YOU approach? How to get her interested in the first two minutes? And then finally lead a conversation to sex. So, don’t miss out. It’s 100% FREE.
Small Talk Is Fine
There’s nothing wrong with small talk. Topics themselves aren’t boring, it’s the person talking that makes them interesting or boring. Small talk is just what’s going on on the surface level while you’re both subconsciously figuring each other out.
There’s so much that you could learn about her. There’s always going to be enough to ask about. And actually care about what you’re asking her. Actually give a shit. Listen to what she’s saying. Use what she’s saying. If she tells you that she’s a student, a school teacher, a registered nurse or anything like that, don’t move onto the next topic – ask her if she likes doing that, what it is that she likes about it.
Small talk is how you get to know people, so don’t think that you need to go in there and discuss about rocket science, you have no idea who you’re talking to. This girl could shut you down in five seconds, or she could be the love of your life.
Note – remember that the first thing that ANY girl is going to think when you approach her anywhere during the day is “What does this person want?”. “Why is this person talking to me?”. So a reminder – if you can let her know what you’re doing yourself early on, maybe even why you came to talk to her, that will really help her relax a little more, and allow her to engage more in your chat.
It Comes With Experience
The more that you do this, the more comfortable you’ll get with conversation. And when you’re comfortable, you’ll enjoy it more. Also you’ll notice more things to comment on, so you won’t be so in your head wondering what to say next. A stressed mind is not a flowing mind. Think of how easy conversation is you’re your closest friend. It all comes down to comfort, so with more experience, conversation won’t be an issue at all.
It’s the pressure that you put on yourself to make conversation that actually results in you “running out of things to say”. So be patient and try to take the pressure off. It’s just a chit-chat with a girl. It doesn’t need to be profound or funny, you don’t need to be cocky, you don’t need to even be interesting.
All you need is some enthusiasm and to just keep the conversation going. You approached her, that’s your job. The small talk that most men are so paranoid about, is actually exactly what they need to be doing. Consider working on your conversation as building up a muscle. When you first walk into a gym, you likely can’t lift much at all.
But overtime, when you build up those muscles, you can hold weight for much longer. It’s very similar here. Once this ‘muscle’ is strong, you’ll never run out of stuff to say. So don’t just think “Oh I’ve run out of things to say” and walk off from an approach, that’s such a common excuse to not even try. Stay in there and push yourself a little, build up that muscle. You’ll be amazed at what your brain can come up with when you just refuse to let yourself walk off.
I really want to stress that as you improve in this and get more comfortable, your conversational ability will improve naturally from just from doing it. You won’t need anything memorised, you’ll be in the moment and chat easily. But for now, you’re probably going to go blank when you first approach a girl.
So to assist you here,
I want you to write down five generic questions that you could use in any situation. Simple questions like “What are you up to today?” or “So what do you do with yourself?” Please don’t make these weird, wonderful or complicated – you want simple and generic questions so that you can apply them in a variety of situations, if your brain does decide to bail on you in that crucial moment. And yes, generic questions are not boring, and not every guy says that.
The girl that you’re interacting with will largely just mirror your own comfort in the situation. The more comfortable that you are, the more comfortable they’ll be in your presence. So given that, I believe that it’s critical to be okay with the simple fact that – you’re a man, she’s a woman, and you’re attracted to her.
There’s nothing to hide or to be ashamed of. It’s the most masculine thing there is. Women like men who like women. Women want men who are comfortable in their desire for them.
When you’re new to all of this and you’ve not had much attention from girl in the past, you might have to learn to be patient and find your inner security and strength during the early stages of dating someone.
As you get better at meeting girls, and develop a more abundant mindset and set of abilities, this will be a lot easier, but when you’re just starting out, when you really like a girl (who also appears to like you), it can be tough to not slip into clinginess, desperation, maybe even being a little demanding – which of course no girl wants.
1). You simply need to practice more. This is the unpopular truth. You just need to have more conversations with strangers. This is a skill that you learn. So often I see guys walking away from interactions saying “Oh I suck at conversation!” to which I say “Yeah, because you’ve not done it before!” You don’t just pick up a guitar and play it – it’s something that you need to practice.
As you get more comfortable, your conversation will just naturally improve. And it improves a lot. So for now, have patience and keep at it.
2). You need to relax more and be more in the moment. Try not to think ahead, try to not think of what could happen, try to not think of what she may be thinking. Just try to relax and stay present.
Yes, this is easier said than done, I know, but if you can relax your body and pay attention to your breath, it will help you. A tense body means a tense mind, and a tense mind means stifled conversation.
3). You need to value yourself more. A lot of your concern about what to say and making interesting conversation stems from you thinking that you aren’t good enough for her. You’re thinking that she’s better than you, so you have to impress her.
This is why a lot of guys go just fine with girls that they aren’t attracted to, but can’t get anything from girl that they are attracted to. Stop trying to impress people. You really do need to start realizing that you’re enough just as you are, and that even your small talk is interesting, just because it’s coming from you.
4). You need to develop faith and really understand that you’ll click with some girls, and not with others. We’ve covered this a lot, but it really needs to sink in. You need to be okay with some interactions not going okay, because the more you are okay with this, the more likely they are to go well.
girl will feel that you don’t need their validation. Also, you’ll be much better equipped mentally to walk away from a shit conversation without taking it personally. All of this means less pressure on yourself, and again, less pressure means more naturally flowing conversation.
5). With more experience, you’ll start to find yourself in similar situations. Talking to a girl on the street, talking to a woman in a bar, talking to a woman in a supermarket – you really only have to experience each of those situations a few times before you start saying similar things, getting similar responses and having similar interactions. You’ll start to feel more confident because it’ll all feel familiar.
Don’t Harass People. Please don’t stalk anyone. Please don’t be that guy. And I know you won’t cause Your Are My Dude. Your are supposed to be the alpha of them all. Just be socially intelligent here. Some girls will want to talk, others will not. That’ll never change. Some women are out there dying to be approached by a cool guy. Others are just fine without.
You must read her cues quickly, and respect them. If she’s being polite verbally but her body language is telling you that she doesn’t want to be there (watch where her body and feet are pointed, if towards you a good sign), just leave.
I really don’t want you out there harassing girls and I also don’t want you being some vulture out there approaching every girl that you see. These techniques are to be used when needed, to enhance your life. Don’t run around the streets causing havoc.
So this was all about I could present on the topic “How To Approach Girls”. It was fun putting it and I hope you get a lot of values from it and execute to be the better person and attract the better person. And this is how you go ahead in life and this is how you approach girls.