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How To Build And Keep Intimacy In Your Relationship? - Your Alpha Dude

August 4


How To Build And Keep Intimacy In Your Relationship?

By Ariel Vagus

August 4, 2019


Intimacy is an art of love that discloses the special and sacred identity and qualities of the other person. It is the light that reads the secret signature of the other person’s individuality and soul. It deciphers their
real self and destiny.

Intimacy is where two individuals are so lost into each other that they always have exciting, passionate and toe curling sex whenever they want to. Intimacy is where sex flourishes.

It fuels passion, emotional and spiritual connection, subjective knowledge of another human being, and sexual restraint that builds anticipation, so that you fvck each other’s brains out the next time you’re in the mood.

Intimacy brings curiosity and familiarity, passion and emotional connection, fantasy and realism into a relationship to make it more fruitful and full of growth. After all what’s a successful relationship if it doesn’t make you grow.

Now, let’s discuss a common myth about intimacy which is sex.

Usually people think that intimacy is all about sex which is far from the truth. Sex is a part of it and it is important, but it isn’t everything.

Intimacy is more about being than just doing, while sex is only there for physical needs but it’s intimacy that brings the emotional sauce which makes it even more worthwhile.

Intimacy means sharing your thoughts and feelings and letting your partner into your private space and have a feeling of oneness with them. And even after this you have a sense of your own individuality and your
own being. This is real Intimacy. This is the kind of relationship which is satisfying and enriching. It makes you a better person and helps you grow.

Now, I want to discuss a relationship which is not satisfying and feels like a baggage.

Think back to the early days of your relationship. You and your partner were loving, considerate, thoughtful, and sexy—all the things that made you and your partner want to be together.

You made love a lot more often than you do now, too. But then some things happened.

A demanding job, taking up new interests and hobbies can all drive a wedge between you and your spouse and block your attempts at retaining intimacy in your marriage. Slowly, complacency creeps in, you feel choked in this relationship and sensuality almost seeps out to the level where you want to break up.


For this kind of relationship to not happen let’s discuss some emotional balances that you and your partner needs.


> The Emotional Balance Required For Intimacy –

  1. Self Esteem The ability to be clear about who you are and what you’re about, especially when your partner pressures you to adapt and conform. When you have a solid self esteem it lets you maintain your own image
    of you in close proximity to important partners who pressure you to
    accommodate them.

You don’t have to keep distance or stay away from your partner to stay clear about who you are. The more solid your self esteem the more close you can let your partner be to you, and the more you can let yourself
be truly known.

You can seek advice and let yourself be influenced by others and still not lose your unique self. You can change your mind whenever you want and it won’t make you feel incongruent.

You can be flexible without losing your identity.


  1. Poise — Being able to calm yourself down, soothe your own hurts, and regulate your own anxieties. This will often time save your marriage or relationship from going into limbo.

Having poise gives you balance allows you to regulate your own emotions, feelings, and anxieties. If you can’t calm and comfort yourself, then your desires and life’s frustrations will pull you apart.

Self-comfort is your ability to calm yourself down, aid your own hurt feelings, and emotions keep your fears and anxieties under control. Poise plays a critical role in mature adult love. It increases the longevity
of the relationship and makes it fruitful.


  1. Grounded Self — The ability to stay calm and not overreact, rather than creating distance or running away when your partner gets anxious or upset. This goes with having great self-control which comes from
    having a very powerful mindset.

Making grounded and composed responses to the people and events around you requires great self control especially when you’re angry. It means not overreacting in response to your partner’s anxiety. Grounded Self
plays a big role in creating a strong reality. You have to understand what you learn when you thoroughly judge the minds of the people you love.

If you’re like most people, your ability to judge and understand far exceeds your ability to remain calm and grounded.


  1. Durability — Being able to step up and face the issues that hinder you and your relationship, and the ability to tolerate discomfort for the sake of growth. Your capacity to endure and go through the problems without
    letting it grow further.


When you have the ability of durability you endure discomfort for growth.

All humans want to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

What makes humans adaptive and successful is our capacity to forego immediate gratification and endure hardship. This allows us to pursue long-term goals and values we hold dear.


Being able to endure the pain and heartache of relationships makes marriage, families, parenting, and caring for others possible. That’s not easy. But it’s easier to tolerate when your pain and heartache is meaningful. It must keep you invested and give you hope of a better future. Then only can you
endure it.

Purposeless, wasteful, stubborn, or foolish pain and suffering is much harder to tolerate and accomplishes virtually nothing and leaves you even more miserable. So, try to find purpose to make things easier and simpler.


>> 4 Things That Kills Your Intimacy –

  1. When you are not clear about your value and worth in the face of criticism from your partner.
  2. When you’re unable to calm your anxieties and depressions which gives you emotional bruises.
  3. When you face difficulty in staying grounded and not overreacting when your partner is anxious or on edge.
  4. When you can’t confront the man in the mirror, i.e. YOU. You need to be true to yourself and know who you’re at your core, then only can you ever fully invest in your relationship.

>> Some Things To Do To Keep Your Passion Alive In Your Relationship –

  1. Give space from time to time and demand the same from your partner. Don’t be too clingy or needy.
  2. Don’t talk about any other worldly topics during lovemaking. Focus on your partner and how you can best pleasure them.
  3. Go on vacations from time to time. It will keep you both fresh and relaxed. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Just something that’ll bring the spark back in your relationship.
  4. Go on dates at least once a week and spend quality time talking and connecting emotionally, and engaging in talks of your dreams, ambitions and passions and where this relationship is going. What happens in the
    future and all that.
  5. Have real, intimate conversation about each other without the distractions of routine and just about anything else.
    You’re adults. And you both are in a relationship. You need this. You need
    to be fulfilled with each other.
  6. Get physical with each other. Not just sex, but hugging, kissing, snuggling. When you hug each other in a long sensual embrace. Try to connect physically with each other and make them feel how much you
    care for your partner.
  7. If you’re living together then try to give a hand in household duties. Try to make a fun activity out of it. Use it for recreation where both of you can have a good time.
  8. Try to fulfill each other’s fantasies. It’s a secret sauce to spice things up.


>> How To Give Your 100% In The Relationship?

  • You go in a relationship to give. Be a giver. Try to put your best foot forward and give it your all so that you don’t regret anything in the future.
  • Put your lovers needs first. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. If you want your partner to do more for you, then first you need to do more for them.
  • Remember the fact that it’s not just about you.Now you’re a couple so you can’t take any individual decisions just on your own .You need to involve in your partner in your decisions too.You need to come at a
    consensus before you take a final decision.
  • When you are feeling pain you are focused on yourself.Always remember this thing. As this will help you drive the pain away.Don’t be too focused on yourself and you won’t feel the pain.

Now, a lot of times what happens is a relationship becomes toxic and it starts choking us. I think that the best way to stop this toxicity is to give freedom and space.


>> Freedom In Relationship

The best way to create freedom and space in a relation is when there is-

– The creation of circumstances in which people can develop their potentialities,grow by learning and developing themselves and express their diverse qualities. A key objective here is that each individual
should respect each others’ capabilities as well as their ability to
learn and enhance their aptitudes and life.

– Equality of power.No one is too dominant or too submissive.There is a balance of power.There should be involvement of both the partners in determining the conditions of their relationship and where they are
heading.And they must trust each other’s judgement.

There should be equal development in a relationship for individuals to complement each other well and be each other’s support system.

This can only happen if there’s enough freedom and space in a relationship.


>> Some Common Mistakes During Sex Which Kills Intimacy –

  1. Not Kissing First

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the most intimate parts makes her feel aloof. It makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out the non-essentials.

  1. Squeezing her breast

Most men test a breast for its ripeness and forget to stimulate her properly. Stroke, caress and smooth them to make her wet and wild.

  1. Bite her Nipples

Nipples are highly sensitive. Lick and suck them properly and give her a bite gently. Also flick your tongue around them for more stimulation.

  1. Ignoring other parts

There are a lot of areas of her body which also increases sensuality and passion such as armpits and belly buttons. Give attention to them as well.

  1. Breaking the momentum

Women unlike men find it very hard to orgasm once their momentum is broken. Try not to do this ever.

  1. Undressing her awkwardly

Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

  1. Asking if she came

This makes you uncertain. You ought to be able to predict it by yourself. And still if you don’t know, then don’t ask.

  1. Not warning her before you climax during oral

Let’s face the truth, not every girl likes the taste of cum.  So, tell her when she’s giving oral so that she can decide if she wants to taste it or not.

  1. Making her ride for ages

Don’t let her do all the hard work while you’re just resting like a dead fish. Let her have rest too.

  1. Thanking her

Never thank a woman for having sex with you. It feels as if they’re doing a favor on you.




By now i hope i gave you a good framework of how to build intimacy.

And now i would like to end with final words that-

Intimacy is when the mind and body of two individuals collude and they become one without losing their own unique individualities. It is about how we encourage our partner in moments of fear and how the two trust
each other and share their personal space and make themselves vulnerable
to each other.

Intimacy is an experience in and itself.

Comment below and let me know – Are you living this experience to the fullest or not?


Ariel Vagus

About the author

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