The key to attract women lies in the mind. In this article “Successful Mindset to Attract Women” I have discussed 15 keys of a successful mindset.
Having the right mindset is so critical if you want to improve your ability with women and in dating. This all starts in your head. Are you strong mentally or are you weak? Do you believe that life works for you or against you? Do you have the willpower and persistence to get through the inevitable tough times? Can you be self-assured enough to withstand rejection and to try again? Are you mostly positive or mostly negative?
Basically, do you have the mental fortitude to make this happen? Because the truth is that most guys will give up. Most guys will test these waters, but they won’t last very long. They’ll quit because it gets boring, or because it stirs up emotions that they don’t want to deal with, or because they can’t deal with rejection, or because they think that it’s weird, or their friends think it’s weird, or because they’re lazy, or negative, or because they don’t really want to change the list goes on.
This is just not for some guys, which is totally fine. But some guys will really want this, but will quit long before they see the results that persistence can bring. So you need to ask yourself if you’ll be one of them. Here are some key components of a successful mindset to attract women.
You need to be overall positive. I certainly don’t mean that you need to be some overly positive thinker. I just mean that no-one likes a persistently negative, whiny bitchy guy, especially not attractive women or successful men. People don’t want to be around someone that’s complaining endlessly about how hard things are, or that life isn’t fair, or how they’re not happy with how things have worked out for them, etc. But more importantly, you need to be positive for you.
I truly do believe that your life is a reflection of your thinking. A negative outlook on life will attract negative situations and negative people. I see it all the time a guy out there approaching and meeting women, and doing everything correctly, but it still not working for him because of his negativity.
Unless you can find the potential good and opportunities in your bad experiences, you’re doomed to fail. This can be hard to do when you’re going through some shit, but successful people always see the opportunity in situations. You need to be able to lift yourself up from the tough times and focus on the good instead of the bad.
Yes, absolutely accept the bad, even wallow around in it for a while I’m not telling you to detach from your negative emotions, that’s unhealthy and unrealistic – but just don’t stay there. Be generally positive. Have a good outlook on life, you’re probably way luckier that you think. If you aren’t positive, then you need to start conditioning yourself to be.
There’s definitely power in negativity, if you use it to leverage yourself to something better. So again, don’t shy away from bad situations, just try to face them with a good outlook. Keep moving forward in good faith that you are getting somewhere, and that things are working out for you.
Anything worthwhile is hard and takes time. Most men won’t have freedom in dating, or the confidence and success with women that they would like, simply because they won’t persist in learning the skills required. Persistence is key.
Persistence is the one trait that will determine above all others your success. You’ll have some curves where it feels like you just aren’t getting any better, and you’ll even sometimes feel that you’re getting worse. This is a dangerous time when most guys quit. They give up because they don’t understand how growth works. Those ups and downs are necessary.
Success is not a linear rise up, it’s all over the place. You go up, then down, then through curve, then up again, then down again. One week you’re great, the next you suck. But you’re actually learning the most during those ups and downs. They usually come right before your next rise. But many don’t make it out of the out and downs.
Success doesn’t happen overnight. Just because you’re reading this, doesn’t mean that you’ll meet your dream woman tomorrow, or that you’ll be confident approaching women next weekend. The first time that you go out to do this, you’ll likely walk around doing nothing. It will take time. One of the worst things that you can do is desperately try to rush the process.
Let the process unfold. It’ll take time, but that’s a good thing. Think of all the people who win the lottery overnight and lost it all in a year because they didn’t build a financial foundation first. You get things when you’re ready for them, not when you want them. So accept this in advance. Be patient. You have your whole life.
The World Owes You Nothing
Life is not fair, but that’s a good thing for you. It means that you can rise to be more than average, achieve more than average, have more than average. If life was fair, it’d mean that you were just like everyone else, had the same as everyone else, accomplished the same as everyone else, felt the same as everyone else, etc. Fuck that.
There’d be no opportunity to work hard and shine. Life owes you nothing, women owe you nothing, no-one owes you anything. Everything is on YOU. Everything that you have and everything that you are, for the most-part, is because of your beliefs, decisions and actions. Don’t whine that life isn’t fair, or that you were treated badly, or that some girl was mean to you, or that some ugly guy has a hot girlfriend, stop being a bitch. Take control of your life, man up and take responsibility.
Things Happening For A Reason
As deluded as this may sound, it really does help to believe that things might actually be happening to you for a reason. Bad things happening to you can be blessings, if you choose to act on them. The most amazing things that have happened in my life, have come right after really rough periods. It’s okay to go crashing down that’s where the crucial lessons happen – but then get back up, evaluate and move forward.
Everything that’s happening to you right now may very well just be preparing you for what you actually want. You can bitch and whine about it, or you can see the lessons and the opportunity to turn yourself and the situation into something better.
This might be completely delusional, I’m aware of that, but I believe that it’s a very powerful mindset to condition yourself to the idea that you have the power to turn anything around in your life, and that life might actually be giving you opportunities to do so. And once you do experience this a few times where it seems like things really did happen for a reason then it’s actually hard to not believe it.
When we’re chasing things that we want, we sometimes forget how amazing our lives are already and how insanely lucky we are. Even people a couple of hundred years ago couldn’t have imagined living like we do now. And you think that your life is over because some girl didn’t text you back? Or because meeting women is hard? huh? Try living in any one of the many countries where the main goal for the day is to not die.
We have so much to be grateful for in this life. Each and every day. But reality is that sometimes constant life demands, struggles, and worries give more room to defeat than to a heart of thanks. Or we forget, in the midst of busyness and pressures, just to pause and give thanks, for all that God has done, and continues to do in our lives.
But here’s what can make a lasting difference. We have a choice, every day, to give him thanks. You need to set your minds on specific reasons to be grateful. And discover there is always something greatful for.
For example – Thanking god for everything, thanking god for waking you up every morning healthy, no body knows when you won’t wake up in the morning and found dead. Thanking life for so many opportunities life has to offer and it has offered.
Self-discipline is such an important key to success in anything, and I believe that getting better at approaching and interacting with women will teach you self-discipline more than anything. Why? Because it’s so much harder than anything else, and because it’s so much more personal than anything else. Building a business is hard, getting fit is hard, learning an instrument is hard but your ego isn’t being broken down with every rejection like it is in approaching.
Basically, if you can get yourself to go out and talk to women consistently, and to stick with it until you see some results then you can get yourself to do anything.
Learn to be your own boss. Be it in dating or in something else if you like. Just develop the ability to make yourself do the things that you need to do, even when you don’t want to do them. People always seem to admire my ability to wake up, meditate, exercise, work hard, eat healthy food etc. but I just don’t see it as a choice. As soon as you let that self-discipline slip, everything starts to slip.
So self-discipline is such a key trait to develop. The key word there is develop. It’s not something that you just have, you develop it over time. It’ll get you from where you are, to where you want to be, while also carrying over to all areas of your life, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even sexually. As a masculine coach, it’s a lot easier to work with guys who have already had to be disciplined in another area.
Some guys want to get good with women for egotistical reasons. They want their friends to be impressed, they want to show off a trophy girlfriend, they want to prove to their parents that they “made it”, etc. I think that this sends you backwards, and further away from the real lesson of self-acceptance.
You need to unhook ego attachments in order to find your own personal satisfaction. You want to grow for you, not to look cool to others, because forever seeking the approval of others will not be satisfying in the long run, it’s a game that you can’t win. Don’t put your value into the hands of others.
Caring too much about what people think of you is a clear sign that your self-esteem is low. You need the validation of people around you to feel good about yourself. It’s about giving a shit what people think about you you’re human after all, so you always will but not so much that it starts to direct your life. I have an in-depth article on this very topic “How To Stop giving fuck” on my website that you should check out.
I really believe that some ego is great. It’s healthy, it makes you strive and compete, it makes you work hard. I myself have a very healthy ego. But if your ego morphs into you wanting to do things just to impress others, or to find identity because you don’t know who you are, or to be liked by others because you don’t like yourself, then it’ll absolutely hold you back in the long-run. It might be enough to get you started, but it won’t keep you going.
Also, you’ll eventually realize that people don’t like you for what you have, they like you for who you are.
Liking & Accepting Yourself
Learning to like yourself and to accept yourself as you are, brings the ultimate success. That’s when everything starts to shift. I believe that a lot of guys get into picking up women to as a replacement for this. Learning to really like and accept yourself does take practice however.
We live in a world where we define people by their grades, their jobs, how many social media followers they have [follow me on twitter by the way, haha], and we compare ourselves with others all the time [or some bullshit notion of who we should be]. Also, it’s not seen as a good thing to really like yourself.
Many people think that if you just accept yourself completely, then you won’t grow and improve. I disagree. I think that you can learn to accept yourself more as you are, and to like your life more as it is, while also working to improve yourself. They’re not mutually exclusive. It’s just valuing who you are and where you’re at, while at the same time moving forward.
When you accept yourself and your life more even the shit parts then you’ll no longer desperately need anything. And desperation stinks in the dating world. When you need less, you ironically get more.
Living Your Own Life
What do you want out of life? Not what your parents want, not what your friends think is cool, not what you feel you should be doing what do YOU want? Working on what you really want in life will really carry over to success with women. You’ll radiate enthusiasm. By living more of the life that you want, you’ll be more motivated, you’ll inspire others, and you’ll be a leader to those around you. That or they’ll drop off.
Yes, you’ll likely lose some friends on this path because not everyone wants to see you change and grow. You’ll likely see an evolution of friends once you undertake any path of personal development. Change can stir up resistance from some people around you, and others will just drop off. Expect it, but don’t let it stop you.
By the way, I’m currently running a 3-part FREE video series. Where you’re going to get lots of value and lessons on how to approach girls the best way to get a girlfriend in the next 24 hours or less.
From building an emotional connection with women to never running out of things to say. What to say when you approach? How to get her interested in the first two minutes? And then finally lead a conversation to sex. So, don’t miss out. It’s 100% FREE.
Understanding The Mind Connection
I think that we’ve lost touch with our ability to influence and create our lives. I’m not going to go into a deep spiritual rant here, but our minds are obviously amazingly powerful, and if you aren’t using it to help create the life that you want, you’re crazy. If you’re not seeing your goals in your mind, conditioning your mind, that little bit more each day, I think you’re missing out.
I believe that how you are on the inside, is how you are on the outside, and I see a lot of guys out chasing women and wanting to be great in dating, but getting nowhere because they never address their thinking or inner game. They never look inside at the engine driving the machine their beliefs, their perspectives, their emotional drivers and they’re unaware of how these are influencing their outcomes often more than behaviors that is approaching.
They live their lives thinking that they are just the victims of circumstance, or get annoying thinking that they’re owed their due, and not realizing that it’s actually them and their outlook that are creating and shaping their circumstances.
Valuing The Journey
Outcome dependence is when you need results so badly that you miss the lessons that are right in front of you. This is a common problem among guys learning to be good with women. They want to get laid now, phone numbers now, dates now, and that’s all that they focus on. This path will teach you an abundance of things about people, life, society and yourself, and this is what will really help you in the long-run.
The knowledge that you gain and the lessons that you go through are all what will create an amazing life and an amazing mindset for you not just a girl. And as I mentioned in the last point, it’s your mindset that’s dictating your outcomes.
So if you just met a girlfriend immediately at the start of your journey, on one hand that’s great. But on another hand, how much would you have grown, compared to if you met her after one year of growth and lessons? So enjoy the journey. Be patient and pay attention to who you’re becoming in the process. Pay attention to what you’re learning, not just what you’re getting or not getting.
Obviously, this applies to so many other areas of life also just let things unfold in
their own time, and appreciate the process.
Like Attracts Like
Who you attract is determined a lot by who you are. We attract people that are similar ourselves. So rather than blaming women, saying that they’re this or that, or that they only want this or that, take a look in the mirror. If you’re constantly negative, or your life is chaotic, or you’re always a victim, or you’re weak emotionally it’s this that’s attracting those women. Who you’re attracting into your life is because of you.
Every day men out there are meeting an dating great women. Other people out there are getting exactly what they want. It’s not the environment, it’s not women, it’s not society, it’s you. Grow and improve yourself and your mindset, and the women, people and situations that you attract will change also.
Don’t run around desperately needing a woman. Don’t desperately need to be successful with women in next week. There’s a huge difference between wanting and needing. No-one likes a desperate guy. To women, a desperate guy is like a fart in an elevator it’s stinkier, suffocating, and makes them want to pry open the door for an immediate getaway. Being desperate or needing this to work is a clear indicator that you’re not coming from a good place.
There’s something inside of you that you’re trying to outrun, and you’re needing someone else or something else to feel good about yourself. Yes, you can go out to approach women and improve your abilities, without desperately needing it. Some of the hardest guys to coach are the guys that keep asking if it is working yet, or when they will be awesome at it. “Don’t go looking for it, it will come when the time is right, on one hand I think that this is bullshit that gives people the perfect excuse to not do anything.
But on the other hand, it does have some merit. It’s about balance. Don’t go desperately looking for a woman or a relationship. Don’t try so hard or want to be amazing in a week. It’s all like approaching a cat walk slowly towards it. If you bolt at it, it will continue to run away from you.
If you hate your life, you’ll radiate a shitty vibe, which will attract shitty people and shitty situations. You’ll also probably struggle with all of the points that I’ve mentioned here. You might actually have a great life, but a bad mindset is making it seem bad, or you might legitimately really need to make some life changes. What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to be in five years? You should get working on that.
Don’t just settle. If you’re looking into improving your dating and confidence, while you are at it, why not look into all areas of your life? They’re all connected. If you wake up hating your day to day life, and you don’t see it going anywhere, but you’re not taking any action to change it, then what are the chances that a girl is going to want to be a part of that? And what are the chances that you’re going to have the motivation to work on any personal development?
I’m not telling you to just quit your job and start sculpting in your basement, and I’m also not saying that you have to have it all figured out with a clear path in front of you. I’m just saying that you should be making small but consistent steps towards what you want. Again, with patience. Take calculated risks towards what you want in life, because taking no risk is going to hurt you much more in the long-run.
Comment and let me know, is this article helpful? And if you have any question you can ask in the comment section below. I’ll get back and answer your queries.
Since NOW you have the successful mindset to attract women. I want to let you know that I have written the ultimate 69 tips to attract women which will make you a chick magnet if you apply even few of them.
P.S. – We tried everything here’s what worked.