What is NLP?
NLP is the influence of language on our mind and it’s subsequent behaviour.
It is a valuable and intriguing approach to the understanding of learning
It is the subconscious mind and not the conscious mind which holds the key
to turning wishes into realities.
Doubting everything and believing everything are two equally convenient
solutions, both of which stimulate thought.
Three areas of NLP –
N – Neurology – The mind and how we think.
L – Linguistic – How we use language and how it effects us.
P – Programming – How we sequence our actions to achieve goals.
13 beliefs of NLP –
- People respond to experience, not to reality. We do not respond to reality.
Our senses, beliefs and past experiences give us a map of the world. We do not
know the territory so for us the map is the territory.
- Having a choice is better than not having a choice.
Always try to have a map that gives you the widest number of choices.
More choices gives more freedom.
- People make the best choice they can at the time.
A person always makes the best choice at the time given their map of the world.
The choice may be bizarre, self-defeating or evil but for them it’s the best way forward.
Give them a better choice and they’ll take it. Even better give them a superior
map with more choices.
- People work perfectly.
No one is wrong or broken, we all are operating our own strategies. Find how you and
others operate and make better strategies.
- All actions have a purpose. No action is random.
- Every behavior has a positive intention.
All actions have one purpose – to achieve something that we value with at least one positive effect.
- The unconscious mind balances the conscious.
The unconscious all the resources that is not present in the conscious.
- The meaning of communication is not what you intend, but the response you get.
If you don’t get the response you want, change your technique.
- We already have all the resources we need. There are no unresourceful people,
only resourceful minds.
- Mind and body form a system. They both are one and need to function together.
11.We process all information through our senses.
Develop better senses to process everything you learn in a better way.
- Modelling successful performance leads to excellence.
If one person can do it, it’s easy to copy them and teach to others.
- If you want to understand, act. The learning is in the doing.
What does NLP do?
NLP brings about self-development and change. It helps you become the person you really
want to be.
When you approach change and self-development you need to be congruent that is, you
need to be determined to succeed and believe in what you’re doing.
Congruence means you’re determined to make the change and that you don’t sabotage
It’s benefits –
– How to create rapport with others
– Influencing skills
– Understanding and using body language
– How to think about and achieve the results you want
– The art of asking key questions
– Effective meetings, negotiations and selling
– Accelerated learning strategies.
MAPS AND FILTERS
Whatever the outside world is really like, we use our senses to explore
and map it. The world is an infinity of possible sense impressions and
we are able to perceive only a very small part of it.
That part we can perceive is further filtered by our unique experiences,
culture, language, beliefs, values, interests and assumptions.
Everyone lives in their unique reality built from their sense impressions and individual
experiences of life, and we act on the basis of what we perceive our model of the world.
Very narrow beliefs, interests and perceptions will make the world impoverished, predictable
and dull. The very same world can be rich and exciting.
The difference lies not in the world, but in the filters through which we perceive it.
Our beliefs also act as filters, causing us to act in certain ways and to notice some
things at the expense of others.
Six pillars of NLP –
- Identify the problem to be changed. It usually is in some format like ‘I want to stop X
behavior but I can’t’.
I would like to act with Y behavior but something is stopping me’.
Again as a facilitator you don’t need to know the problem behavior this can be covert therapy.
Also this is an appropriate time to thank the part that is running that behavior.
- Ask for the part responsible for that old behavior if it is willing to communicate.
Ask them to be aware of what they see hear and feel.
(Calibrate their responses) An unconscious signal cannot be reproduced consciously.
Check if they can reproduce this response consciously.
If they can reproduce the signal ask for another signal. Though this seems
odd, note that if you consciously controlled the problem you would just stop it and
wouldn’t be reframing it.
Have you ever agreed to something you knew wasn’t right. Involuntary signals and behaviors
occur like a sinking feeling in your stomach, voice tone changes and posture changes.
These are unconscious shifts or signals. Can you control the feeling when a person asks
you to work when you know you could be with family? Ask for a yes and no signal.
- Thank the part for co-operating and then ask if the part will reveal the intention behind
- With a yes then proceed to ask for the positive intention behind this behavior.
Continue to ask if there any higher intentions for the behavior. This intention will
usually surprise the conscious mind.
- If there is a no signal ask under what circumstances it would be willing to reveal the
positive intention. This can help you find out more about what the part is trying to achieve.
Further ask if there were a way the same intention could be fulfilled better
or more appropriately would it be willing to try them out.
If another no comes then the signals are jumbled.
- Now ask if the part will communicate with the creative part of their mind. Allow the
creativity in the person to generate at least 3 new possible behaviors. These must satisfy the
positive intention. Thank the creative part also.
- Now ask if the part will adopt these new responses or behaviors for 2-3 weeks. Remind the
part that the old behavior is still possible or an option if there is any objection to the newly
- Finally check for ecology. Ask if there is any part of you that is dissatisfied with this
change. If there is any signal check if it is a genuine objection.
If all interested parties have no objection okay. Be certain however and congruent, if there is
any inconsistency some other part may try to sabotage later.
CONGRUENCY in NLP –
Some of the most important parts of our map are the beliefs and values
that shape our lives and give them purpose.
They govern what we do and may bring us into conflict with others.
Values define what is important to us; conflict starts if we insist
that what is important to us should be important to others too.
Internal congruence gives strength and personal power. We are
congruent when all our verbal and non-verbal behaviour supports our outcome.
All parts are in harmony and we have free access to our
When you make a decision and you are congruent about it, then
you know you can proceed with every chance of success.
Our values powerfully affect whether we are congruent about an outcome.
Values embody what is important to us and are supported by beliefs. We acquire
them, like beliefs, from our experiences and from modelling family and friends.
Values are related to our identity, we really care about them; they are the fundamental
principles we live by. To act against our values will make us incongruent.
All this time we discussed NLP, its importances , uses ,etc…
Now we’ll discuss it more specifically. We’ll now discuss –
Use of NLP with women and dating.
Framing in NLP refers to the way we put things into different contexts
to give them different meanings; what we make important at that
If you have the right frame then you’ll always feel superior to a girl and always have
You’ll be the dominant one in the relationship and you’ll be her Alpha Man.
It’s so important as usually men succumb to submissiveness and give up their
frame to women and get thrashed their whole lives.
You need to take the lead, control the frame and get compliance from her.
Taking control of the frame is the starting point of attraction that you get
from a girl.
Your Frame should be that is she worthy of you or not? Always feel superior.
The most important part of NLP is rapport.
Rapport is a relationship of responsiveness. When you’re in rapport with someone,
they respond to your requests, answer your phone calls and texts, and readily
do favors for you, just as you do for them.
There’s responsiveness there between two people.
It isn’t only a two-way street of responsiveness. Those in rapport will also share
a sense of trust. There will be a sense of understanding as well. They will feel
comfortable in conversations.
Some ways to create rapport easily –
- Don’t go for logic. Go for emotions.
2. Have fun.
3. Be curious.
4. Bathe in ambiguity and enjoy it.
5. Do creative stuff.Especially give her new experiences.
Pacing is the act of following the tempo of the person that you are talking to.
This does not mean mimic them or make a half-assed attempt at copying their accent, it
simple means listening for their speed and pitch of delivery and match it as closely
as you can.
Fast talkers usually get frustrated with slow talkers, and slow talkers think people that
talk at 100mph are on speed and can feel intimidated by them. When you start to do this effectively
you’ll be amazed at how quickly you build rapport as you immediately get yourself on the same page
as the other person.
Other benefits of NLP –
Commonality , etc….
Taking it a step further : Using NLP for sexual arousal
Envision yourself walking into a room exuding tremendous charisma. See yourself
bathing into the stares of many admiring, fawning eyes. An aura of appeal, charm, dominant
sexuality emanates through you. Now how did it feel? Amazing right?
For this vision to become a reality you need to be endowed with mental powers that subconsciously draws others towards you.
Don’t worry i’ll help you unleash that power.
– The Mind
The mind power is your biggest strength. It shapes your reality and makes you who you are. It helps you influence yourself and your environment.
The mind releases energy like electricity which attracts others towards you . But if
the energy is weak it’ll attract less people and if it’s really strong then you’ll become a
I’ve discussed this many times in my previous articles.
In order to allow your mind to manipulate your life and your environment you must
see it within you, using your inner vision.That is the concept of visualisation and
it’s the foundation for your mind power development.
– Mental Arousal
Now that you know the importance of mind and Visualisation. We’ll use these two to
create arousal in other’s mind for you.
When you’re using your mind to create arousal remember that your clarity must be
laser sharp. What you see in your mind and the way you do it must be as clear as
you can get it.
You must try to penetrate your clearest thoughts into other’s mind through your
Once you have your clarity you’ll start radiating frequencies which other minds will catch
Once you have gained enough interest subconsciously ,now all you need is to
approach them and do the easy part that is the conscious.
I’ve discussed about the conscious in a lot of my previous articles.
Visualization must be comprehensive and dynamic.