This article is a comprehensive guide on how to make great first impressions so that people get compelled to meet with you again and again and develop a serious liking for you instantly. This is a full guide and not like those small YouTube videos or articles which will discuss one or two small tips and leave you hanging. This was created so that you won’t need another advice on How to make amazing first impressions again.
First Impressions are the starting point of all things great or all things bad in a relationship. Imagine, people willing to listen to whatever you have to say, giving a huge emphasis on you over others, or even wanting to be led by you. Or those same people not giving you any attention, ignoring you and possibly even spreading negative hate towards you.
Especially if it’s a girl you have just met at a bar or a public place and you were not able to strike off a home run with her at first, then it’s a gone deal. There’s no way in hell you can make her like you again.
All this is hugely possible with a first impression. Now it depends on you, if you want it to be good or bad. So, let’s read further if you want positive things to happen.
>> Power of first impression
First impression is a double-edged sword. You never really get a second chance at first impressions. Once somebody forms an opinion about you then its really hard to change. So, if you do it the right way, it can open up new opportunities for you, and if you do it the wrong way, it will close at least that door for you.
According to a recent study, it is showed that a powerful first impression increases your chances of succeeding at a sale or getting a job by over 57%. Because if you had a positive, powerful first impression, then its very likely that people will like you more, trust you more and more so they will respect you.
So, now that you know the power of first impressions, let’s get into the knitty-gritty of first impressions so that you get whatever you want the next time you get a chance at first impressions with someone .
It all begins with the mind. Your mind and their mind. How you are feeling and how the other person is feeling. Did you know that there’s an NLP concept that says –
How you feel is how the other person will feel. Energy is transferrable. It’s contagious.
Now, a lot of times I have seen people give advice that body language or appearance is just the answer to a positive first impression. They are but to an extent. They are not the only thing that will help you get the best results.
Why? Because even if we control our voice, our eye contact, the way we talk, the way we appear, we can’t really control our subconscious. ( When we are in that conversation.)
And if our internal state is any different than what result we want or what we want the other person to see, then sooner or later we will portray it to them. How? Through Micro-expressions. And if your micro-expression is any different than what you are portraying, you’re gone.
They will get a gut instinct that something is wrong and they will want out. Your inner world and your outer world must be congruent if you are going to make the best first impression.
It all must begin from the mind.
How do you fix your Internal state?
What you believe, you become. Now close your eyes. Imagine you being your greatest version. You have it all. You are going to crack that interview, or get that girl. Nothing can stop you from that. Now, open it. Now what I want you to do is imagine that this is your success party. How will you behave? Do that. Shout, jump, fist pump. Just do anything to get some adrenaline and some warmth inside your body.
Once you have truly done this, you will start feeling positive and unstoppable. This is the kind of state that you want to be in whenever you want to woo someone or get them to like you.
Now that we have fixed your internal state. It’s time we also fixed what you should wear when you go out to make that first impression.
People form an opinion about you in the first 7 seconds of an interaction. And you can’t possibly talk or say to them within that time. So, the first and most important thing to start positively and on the right note is to have a very neat and clean appearance. Dress with purpose, every time, everyday you go out.
The crazy thing is that all these opinions that people create are totally subconscious. They already figure out if you’re the right person for a job, or a sale or a date.
So, how should you appear? First lets get some basics covered. You must be very clean and wearing the right clothes for the occasion. You can’t wear a marriage dress on a funeral, etc….
So you must dress to impress while also dress for the occasion.
Do your research beforehand. Ex – If you are going to a party, is there a theme or a dress code? ( I made this grave mistake once on my Prom Night. Even though I stood out, and I was by far the best, I still lost to the best dressed man, as he was dressed perfect for the occasion ).
If you are going on a meeting, then find out what your employers will prefer, etc….
Always dress well, don’t take your appearance lightly. (If you were in my inner circle, and you would dress bad in one of my seminars, I would probably whoop your a**. That’s how important appearance is.)
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Okay. So you are dressed with purpose and for the right occasion. You got your internal stuff fixed. Now its time that you understood a very important thing about first impressions. That is – Whenever you approach someone there are basically 4 types of emotions that you want to evoke in them. They are –
Make them feel positive, light-hearted, fun. Make them smile, laugh, chuckle or just be uplifted by your presence.
Have them generate a feeling of trust for you. The person needs to trust your motives. This comes from body language the most. ( I will discuss each and every one of these one by one )
Create a feeling of respect in their heart about you.. This comes usually in the form of resume and credentials. But it must be done only after positive emotions and trust. It can also come with you being the Alpha Male.
Showing, serious genuine interest. This must always come at last. Don’t do it before the affore-mentioned. Don’t show interest from the start.
Do everything as told in order. Don’t break the order.
Now lets go through those emotions and what you can do to evoke them –
Conveying Positive Vibes
Whenever you enter a room or are going to introduce yourself to someone you must always show them that you are a fun and positive person to hang around. For this you must first fix your internal state.
This is very important because people want to associate themselves with doers. Or the people who make things happen, instead of lethargic, saga**es who will just make excuses.
Now, you can show this in a lot of ways. Some of those are –
Whenever you meet a person put up a big smile and an uplifted aura and vibe. Greet them well. If if they ever ask you how are you? Or How are things going? Never ever answer the usual boring, I’m fine. Pick anything other than to be good. Pick phenomenal, extraordinary,awesome, etc… This in itself shows them your positivity.
Now you may be thinking, how will you make it happen? What if you are just not good at smiling? What if your smile sucks?
Let me tell you something – Being able to turn on a genuine smile will change your life. People don’t trust a fake smile and your first impression can be an absolute failure.
You need to have a real smile even when you are not happy. You do that by training your muscles in front of a mirror.
Remember: Everything that you’ll learn here will be a muscle. So, you just need to train those muscles to be the best at it.
So, you look yourself in the mirror, and keep your jaws loose by forcing yourself to smile. Once that jaw starts to get loose, you’ll slowly have your best smile.
Enjoy what you are talking about. Now, i know you may have a lot of things which you don’t enjoy, yet you ought to smile. You can do that by a change in your mindset. Don’t think that its boring, think that you’ll learn something and it may change your life. Be happy for that. Have a growth mindset. If you ain’t got one then I recommend you to read the Growth Mindset book.
The three things need to be in your smile for it to look natural and genuine –
1). Tension in your jaws
2). Pulling back of your mouth.
3). Tension in your eyes.
If you could have these three then people will be mesmerized by your smile itself.
A very good way to bring out that all natural, positivity filled smile of yours is to have Self Compassion.
What is Self Compassion?
Self Compassion is how much love and warmth you have for yourself. Is it you who is the hero in your eyes? Are you your favorite? Or are you even a good person in your eyes, who works honestly and tries to help others as well? This is what helps you go through the daily difficulties of life without any negativity. It helps you stay positive even in grave times.
This saves you from any kind of self-pity you may have. ( That negative voice that makes you self-sabotage stuff, including all important first impressions ). Some self-pity example – I am not good enough, I don’t deserve this, etc…
The best way to cultivate self-compassion is whenever negativity hits you or you start criticising yourself, remind yourself of how great a person you are. How much you deserve all this you have and much more which you will have after you have earned it.
A good exercise which I do and recommend is –
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
- Now go back into memory lane and think of the good things that you have done and good things that have happened to you.
- Now imagine any of your idol, dead or alive present in front of you.
- They’re looking at you and smiling with love and affection in their eyes for you.
- They’ve forgiven you for any guilt you may have and they love you for who you are. You’re perfect. You’re a genuine human being. Now you’re free.
Whenever you feel negativity striking you. Do this instantly. It only takes a few minutes but works wonders for you and your life.
Trust with touch
Trust is built with body language and eye contact. It is a gut instinct which other people get when they look at you. If your body language and eye contact is not right, then they will not trust you and vice versa.
The way you look, the way you peer over your shoulder, the way your body language is directed, in a way that doesn’t make them feel safe make people aloof from you.
Now, the most important way to build trust is to touch. The more you get intimate with people the more they will start to trust you. ( don’t kiss them )
Some ways to touch and build trust –
- Bro hug ( best )
- Formal Hug
How to Give a Perfect Handshake :
Here is a quick guide on a good handshake –
Dry: Make sure that your hands are neat, clean and dry. There’s no sweat or water on it.
Vertical: Whenever you are going to shake it make sure that your thumbs are vertical and you’re moving it in a vertical direction.
Firm: Make sure that your hands are tight and you’re not as soft as a flower. Keep it straight and manly.
Bottom Line: Keep your hands visible. Never skip a handshake.
Now, whenever you enter a room for an interview or a party try to touch the host instantly, either by a handshake or a hug. Don’t wait. Build some trust instantly. It makes an amazing first impression and people begin to touch you instantly.
When you are doing this make direct eye contact, smile and look genuinely happy. Make solid eye contact especially when you’re speaking. This shows that you have nothing to hide and you’re a trustable and genuine person. You’re transparent. You won’t hurt the other person.
Another very great way that I have learnt over the years to make other trust me is to reveal my embarrassing real stories.
When you reveal things that are potentially embarrassing, you build trust that way as well.
Ex – You are in a party. And people ask you who you are?
You give your name and also chuckle a bit and say – Hey, to be honest, i don’t even know a lot of people here. So, i’m totally lost.
Wow… that’s an awkward situation..
It shows that you’re not trying to play it cool. You’re not trying to be impressive. You’re just being you and you’re just being honest.
Don’t hide anything.
Some quick body language tips for you –
- Keep your shoulders down and back. Relax and chill. Nobody is going to hurt you.
- Aim your chin, chest, and forehead straight in front of you or slightly up. Be proud of yourself. You’re a one-time phenomenon.
- Keep space between your arms and torso.
- Make sure your hands are visible.
Remember: You got nothing to hide.
And if you want to go deep into the study of body language and master it, then read my full article here. It’s been written after breakthrough researches from my team. So, you won’t be disappointed.
The best way to gain respect is if you have some big credentials or deeds that you have done in the past and people somehow know about it. Even a great resume or a major will be fine. Ex- I am a graduate of Harvard.
People who want to go there, or those who value resumes and majors will instantly respect you.
But if you have none of these. Its fine. You have other ways to get respect. But remember, to first of all follow the above two steps. Be fun, enjoy and build trust. And then come to this step.
If you don’t have enough credentials then what you need to do is always lead the conversation. Whenever you are talking make sure that you are at the steering wheel. You’re the one who has more intent and you’re the one who’s bold. Showing intent and the power to move a conversation builds respect.
It shows that you are very comfortable in your skin and you are a leader who others can trust.
Just say what’s on your mind.
Ex – If you’re not feeling happy. Say you’re not happy.
You’re feeling low and someone asks you how are you feeling?
Just say – Oh.. i am feeling a little low today.
This step must come at last. Don’t do it before any other step. One of the very common and easiest way to show interest is to listen and take active participation in talking with the other person. Maintain eye contact and occasionally even touch and give pats on the back to reassure them that you are listening very intently to them.
Now, a lot of times what happens during this talk is we get into a plateau. That is we asked some of the most common questions and we answer them in the most common ways. What happens then is that the level and energy of the conversation dies down and there’s nothing much left to talk.
If you want to be an expert at conversation then it should be your duty to make sure that doesn’t happen. And it’s my duty to teach you how. So be attentive, read and learn.
>> Deadly Common Questions
I have named them the deadly common questions because this is when the energy starts to die down and then you are never really able to recover the energy and the vibe.
SO, what is this?
Deadly common questions are those questions which are asked almost religiously by anyone we met. Ex – What do you do? Where are you from? How are you?
The questions are not faulty. But the answer which we give here are. Your most probable answers probably vary from – Oh! I am a Programmer. To I live in New York. That’s it. End of discussion. Let’s bury this convo in the grave.
But only if you knew the trick to answer these deadly questions, then you would leave such a long-lasting impact into other’s mind about you that they would be begging to see you again.
The truth is, what I and most other expert conversationalists do is just rock on these conversational questions. These are the questions which I absolutely hit the bulls eye with while others think that these are bullshit questions. They think that they will answer just the normal usual self. And that’s why they lose.
So, how do you answer?
Reveal your answers to any common questions which people always ask in a way that is fun and interesting.
Always speak in a way that it builds trust, have some humor and it should reveal something interesting about you to the person.
You need to take these conversations where you guys might connect, instead of answering it in an emotionless manner.
So, if someone asks me what i do? The secret here is that I don’t just say,,, Hey,, I’m the CEO and founder of this, this and this….
I answer with why i do what i do. ( I don’t take the question just at its face value )
Ex – I am the Founder of Your Alpha Dude, because i get to provide awesome value to this world and help change a lot of lives. I got into it because i always wanted to express myself in a creative way and have a voice for myself where i could change this world for the better.
So, next time, I want you to prepare yourself for this question.
Think… How can you answer with why you do what you do? What do you love about what you do?
And remember that you don’t want to talk somebody’s ears off right from the beginning. So, do these in an open loop manner.
It means that speak in a manner where the other person might have an opportunity to ask you questions. Where you both could connect and build more trust.
Now. another common question – Where are you from?
Don’t just answer where you live. Answer why you live where you live or what do you like about that place.
Ex – If somebody asked me Where are you from? I would answer –
Oh… I used to live in the busy streets of New York. But then i just got too much worked up with their way of work hard, work hard mentality. So, i moved to Las Vegas. I just love its night life and warmth.
Notice the open loops here –
New York’s work hard, work hard mentality.
Night life of Vegas
What else do I love about Vegas?
So, the other person could now ask me any of those above questions.
Do not do empty small talk which allows the conversation to be dead. Add more loops. Try to create more and more conversational topics.
You want to give them a big fat bait so they could grab onto it and move the conversation further.
The whole point is to make a connection with the other person in your first impression. And this is what i don’t like about a lot of popular advice in any YouTube videos or in books.
They tell you to be interested to be interesting. They teach you to listen a lot. ( you should but that’s half knowledge. They don’t give the full advice. ) But that’s not how it goes. It’s because at first the other person won’t really talk much at the beginning.
When someone first meets you, they don’t know enough about you to care all that much. They are not really willing to let you in, in their private space.
So, Instead of listening first and doing all that. First of all you need to build trust, respect and show them that you are a fun person to hang out with. Let them see that you will give them a good time.
>> Remember Names while asking advice
Ok…Now this is straight out of the book – How to Win Friends and Influence People. [ lovely book, give it a try ]. You must remember names. It makes the other person feel special.
Remember and say their name again and again. As Dale Carnegie says – No sound is as beautiful as the sound of a person’s name to him.
The best way to remember names is to create an emotional reaction and tie it to that person’s image.
Another good advice from that book is – If you forget the name. Say sorry.. What was your name again. Be honest.
A very good way to use a name is combine it by asking an advice or opinion.
Ex- Oh My God…Ariel. You’ve got to tell me about Las Vegas.
>> CONCLUSION and ACTIONS
First impressions are not about you being impressive. It’s about you being inspiring enough to talk to.
And it begins from fun and positivity. Trust, respect and the feelings that you awoke in another person when you talk to them.
For fun,, you gotta smile and genuinely ask good positive questions, and answer back in such manners as well.
Instead of answering in a boring manner like I’m fine.. say I’m Phenomenal. Always be adding positivity. For trust, try to touch. Do handshakes, give pats, etc…
Be willing to prepare in advance for those common questions which people will often ask you.
Like How are you? What do you do? Prepare the answer to those questions in advance.
While talking add a lot of open loops, so the conversation don’t go stale. And also look for open loops from the other person’s side as well.
And then finally be interested in the other person as well. Start asking questions from them as well.
Now just to make sure that you are going to get the absolute best value from this article I have added some little actions which if you do can go a long way into improving your first impressions with anyone.
The whole point of the article is to make you take actions. This article has been written in a way that you take actions instantly.
When you started reading this article my job was to give you the best possible actionable advice. So, now some of the actions which i will want you to take in order to absolutely integrate all this in your life is –
ACTION 1 –
Be better than good. Whenever you meet someone, don’t answer that you’re fine or good. Say anything but that.
Ex – I’m great. I’m phenomenal. etc…
Do that with a good eye contact and a smile. Don’t take this lightly. This can make a big difference.
ACTION 2 –
You gotta touch. ( Don’t start touching the breasts, pervert 😉
So, when you go and introduce yourself, next time do a handshake or do a fist pump. Or a bro hug. Anything which breaks the touch barrier is good.
ACTION 3 –
Change the where are you from answers.
Sit down, take a few minutes and think your best answer to the where are you from question?
Take the hints i have given above and write a good answer like that. And then memorise it to be saying to anyone you meet next time.
Once you do this, and apply it in every other question, i promise you, your first impressions will be better than 99% men.
ACTION 4 –
Now, answer the what do you do question?
Think about your values, your beliefs, your passion what excites you and then answer this question. Take example from my above answer.
Comment the answer as well, so i could see it. I could help make it better for you if you want.
ACTION 5 –
STRONG EYE CONTACT
Pick someone and start practicing eye contact with them. Have expressive eye brows as well.
This is it. We have come to the end. You have finally made it. Trust me I can already feel that you are far better than any other guy out there.