We are all looking for someone who can become something more to us over time. However, in the meantime, there’s no point in not having a little bit of fun. Casual relationships can be great – both parties are in them for the same thing, and there are no strings attached. We’re talking about one-night stands; hookups for the sake of hooking up and little more.
Of course, there’s always the chance that something more could grow out of your hedonistic exploits, but neither party goes in with those sorts of expectations. With that being said, getting a one-night stand is not as simple as it might sound. So, rather than crashing and burning, follow these tips to get the girl who’s caught your eye into bed.
Make Sure It’s What You Want
Before we dive into things, I want to touch on something that guys so rarely bother with. Do you really want a one-night stand? Sure, it’s the macho thing to do. It’s expected of you. Your friends expect you to go for it, too. But, we all know that there’s more to most guys than what’s shown on the surface. Your machismo is as much a defense against the world as it is part of your character. So, do you really want a single night of sex with a woman?
Or, are you instead looking for something a bit more meaningful, a deeper connection with someone beyond the carnal? There’s nothing wrong with either option, but the approach changes if you’re looking for love rather than looking to satisfy your animal urges. If you’re sure that a one-night stand is what you’re after, then let’s delve into things.
The Right Venue
There are three requirements to getting a woman to agree to a one-night stand. First, you need the right venue, and that can be more challenging than you think. What sort of venue comes to mind first when thinking about a one-night stand? You probably have a club in mind. That might be fine, but it might be the wrong hunting grounds, too.
There are a few things that are necessary to make a venue a good option for your needs. First and foremost, you need to make sure there are more women than men in attendance. Most dance clubs and nightclubs fit that bill. Why does this matter? Current research shows that women have an active although often subconscious role in deciding that they want to hook up with a man. That is, a woman, consciously or unconsciously, realizes she wants to have sex, and then goes looking for a man who will help her make it happen.
She’s not looking for just any man, though. She wants a man who is able to turn her on, and she’s going to hit places where she’s most likely to find guys that fit the bill. That means places where you would ordinarily go to meet women to date are most likely out. I covered those in my post The Best Places to Meet Beautiful Women. Most of those locations are great for meeting stunning women, but they’re not necessarily good options for one-night stands. Instead, you’ll want to look at venues such as:
- Dance clubs
- College dorms and frat/sorority houses (particularly if there’s a party happening)
Where should you avoid looking? Actually, you can skip the Internet. While you might think that hot dating app is the best place to go for a one-night stand, less than 3% of college students hook up through the Internet. With that being said, a higher percentage of older women go the online route, so if you’re hunting a cougar, that might be a good option.
The qualities that define a good venue are a high ratio of women to men, and social lubrication. The environment needs to be fun, and conducive to seduction. That doesn’t necessarily mean alcohol or drugs, though. There’s nothing more conducive to seduction than a dance club where you can get up close and personal, or a party where impromptu dancing occurs spontaneously.
A word of caution about alcohol and drugs: While they can lubricate the situation and give you confidence, they can also turn around and bite you. If she’s had too much, there’s always the chance that her friends will step in to prevent a hookup. There’s nothing wrong with that, and they’re doing what good friends should. There’s also the chance that her judgment will be impaired – too much alcohol and she could forget the night, and you end up facing criminal charges. Of course, too much alcohol will also affect your performance.
In the end, alcohol (and other social lubricants) should be used sparingly. Have no more than a couple of drinks, and make sure that the woman you want to take home hasn’t been imbibing heavily, either. Informed consent and the ability to make sound judgments trump pretty much everything else.
The Right Woman
It’s not all about the venue, though. You also need the right woman. While I mentioned that a high percentage of women take an active hand in seeking out a partner to satisfy their sexual urges, not all women do this, and not all women who are looking for sex are going to want you, no matter how much of an alpha male you are. You could end up talking to a girl who is just looking for a night of platonic fun for hours without getting anywhere, too.
So, how do you tell if she’s the one? It’s not all that simple. There are a few ways you can weed out leads that won’t pan out, though.
Resistance: Does she put up any sort of resistance to spending the evening with you (in the venue, we’re not talking about bed just yet)? If so, she’s a bad lead. Get her contact information for later, but don’t spend the rest of your night here.
Drinking: Again, you want to avoid women who are obviously over indulging. There are just too many potentially negative repercussions here. The same goes for you – limit your imbibing.
No Playful Banter: In the beginning, a good lead (a woman who finds you attractive and who would probably go home with you) will engage in playful banter. She’ll flirt, tease, and make jokes. If the woman doesn’t do that, it’s a good sign she’s not into. Abort mission and go elsewhere.
She’s Not Sexual: After a bit of banter, and a few laughs together, try to add some sensuality to the mix. A bit of innuendo is a great way to feel her out. If she’s receptive, great – you can move on to real flirting and even sex talk. If she doesn’t respond to your innuendo, or reacts negatively, back off and find another lead.
The Right Approach
Of course, there is more required to pull off a one-night stand than just finding the right venue and then finding a receptive, attractive woman. You also need to have the right approach. We’ve covered a couple of those in the section above, but there’s more to developing a workable strategy here.
Touch is one of the most important parts of your plan. That doesn’t mean you need to get grabby. Keep your mitts to yourself, at least until she gives you the go-ahead to do more. No, I mean you need to work in an incidental touch here and there. You let your hand brush hers, or you run your fingers across her forearm. If she seems receptive, then you can move on to other forms of touch. The next step is protective touch, where you’ll use your hand on the small of her back to guide her through the venue. Then, there’s romantic touch – holding her hand or touching her hair are both great examples. Sexual touch is the last on the list, and it’s something you’ll want to reserve for when you’re alone.
You also need to move her from place to place. Don’t stay in one spot too long. Engage her in conversation for about 10 minutes, and then try to lead her to another area of the venue (don’t try to leave the venue yet, though). If she lets you lead, she is likely into you. If she resists, find another lead. You can lead her in a number of ways, but simply saying something like, “Hey, let’s get a seat,” or “It’s loud in here. Let’s find a quieter corner,” can be all that’s necessary.
The rest of your evening will be spend building your connection with her and her comfort level with you. When you’re pretty confident that she’s invested in you, ask her home for wine, chocolate, or even coffee. Any excuse will work. While it is possible that she’ll decline, most women who have made it this far with you will be ready to go.
Getting a one-night stand isn’t always easy, but it can be simpler than you think if you follow these basic tips. Of course, if you are not the strong, confident man she wants, it can be a hindrance.